Shelby Freehling

Structure 1

If I were to count the number of times you called me Mother, THE list would be long. We were thick in the heat. We left bruises. Wild cherries of fire, Scuff and scowl, offering a last breath

The lights blink on and off,/ And I think some man in hiding in my basement, signaling Morse code, telling me he’s okay

4 weeks later and my phone still predicts your fucking name

If I was to think about the way you make me feel/like a wet fish in the sandy hands of a dirty child dominant me on the beach and as his I clipped nails dig deeper I begged to receive a fishermen’s death

Screwed straight from birth

I drew you a picture. It’s kind of disproportionate. But it like kind of works. I these We’ll see later when we’re laying on my bed pretending to be draped in ivory

I was drunk in the back snorting cocaine when when virus hit. I don’t much about myself other than I gota great ass

Nice open. Nice panties
Without sex it’s like the world is void of creation. He said open up. He said release the beautiful white pearl. I said Fuck that shit

You can’t get even the most boring guy in our dorm to sleep with you

Some shit ass words That I chose. Not because they’re pretty But because they’re shit as words. But let’s face it
I pick them because
they’re pretty

I’m week in the knee
ARE you Gonna fuck me or what?
I have to fit myself into other pieces
I watched as hairline fractures scattered up my skins

Sits in coffee shop. Stares blankety out window. Stares at fingers tiping. Falls in love with their sleek bones. Sleek. Was not a word I use to use. We ended. But the sentences are now becoming slightly. Longer…. Again, You are not back Here…
But I feel is now and again

He stood there waiting
I am week in the knees

Structure 2

Condom wrappers sex in a shed Unfinished house Loud Dog Kids on a beach
Rose Leg
Quick dress
Promise
broken words ugly breath

in my
When I can’t breath

I was watching the cycles drain them out, longing to be drenched in a Fresh coat. It was the quiet goodbyes and foggy nights that only one could remember. It was time and space, growing together apart. It was the times I hated it. The times I left.

We were
Swallowed
Barn nests

Salvaged fur We were thick skinned Across a Patterned Sweater
Please please
Your words Luke Warm Across my Bare chest

House or pretended to like it as I saw previous wrappers on your floor It was Reunion and it’s not knowing how long it will last but finally letting go

The ends were severed/ get the tendons AND Ligaments still Yearned hopeless for yours. It’s like the cells inside some sad Pieces of roadkill were still alive Hoping their host would rise
They wanted to live But Your vein
I want to smell your cigarettes/ And let them stain my clothes So that when I go home and see my parents, they ask me who I was with, And how the night was, although they know how it was, same shit different day same man trying to screw your daughter
And unsuccessfully screwing your precious daisy

I hear your voice, within his. We talked one night. You were drunk, And maybe don’t remember, Bur I told you/ how you felt like home. Like peace. I could relax around you. And then This weekend, and I heard you in the stories he’d tell. The way he’d laugh and the jokes he’d curse in. And I am grasping desperately with thin fingers at all that is lost
His voice is slowly becoming I have left of you
If I was to think about the way you make me feel Like a wet fish In the sandy hands of a dirty squirmy child Fondling me on the beach, And as his unclipped nails dig deeper
I begged to receive the fishermen’s death

Trust/Short hair and half smile, Your mother’s throw draped across your bed
Soft hands
We walked on two opposite sides of the streets He drug A metal tire iron in his hand. We took turns Staring at each other and exploring each others skins, soft sickly teeth stained by cigarettes I

Structure 3

I lay in the bed
Every inch of my Skin Exactly where
The hollow trees cave was like that of my splayed ribs
Open to light the mold shivered and recoiled
Blood vessels bursts
veins retaliated with a cold blue
Beetles dug deeper into moist bark
Hiding their innards from the harsh dry air

I AM A TALL SLEEK CANDLE/ I AM AWARE OF MH THIN

My Soul is Eating ITSELF, I thought I WAS A HUNTER Yet here I AM Lusting After my own skin, I taste like uncooked bacon, I mean sure yeah it’s still bacon But like the texture is gross as fuck. I went to the deck today they were disappointedly pout of, Lover from two years ago, I could have been a wife I opted for a couple one night stands with a friend of a friend who seemed like kind of okay But blonde bitch in front of me got the last of those scraps/ I looked at myself in the mirror, My lips were beginning to chap I debated whether to save the thing skins or Just go straight for the lips cuz damn girl you gotta beautiful smile
Are souls reunited again, We flew kites in the misty sky, Again. But now and then through the clouds I saw them stagger apart As if foreshadowing As if my strings were longing to be set free snip And it’s over. It blew quickly into a nearby tree/ A hollow fry bellowing from the pot of my stomach below sounding of a wounded animal and as the night drew on
The withdrawn absence of you

Soup Bread Cold Butter Could you warm my soul
Would you make stutter

Your hand was nourished gently upon my cheek It stayed for such a great length I came to recognize it as my own, We were Woven into each others lives by odds, by mishap/ like a chilled face warmed by logs and flint I would nuzzle in your caress/i worshipped your whispers

Her eyes were potent like diamonds with every glance you felt like you were losing 50,000 on a horse called lucky

I’m not sure if it’s that everything is far away,
It’s just That everything that everything that was once in sight is quickly dissipating Labels change Friends become a small smile As you Walk Bye Is the new depth Someone you once shared memoirs with
Now a stranger with a shoulder shrug

My Soul is Eating Itself

That doesn’t make me seem like a drunkard
That doe
I saw you sitting there. I smiled, And like that The moment was over. I fall in love with everyone I meet. Sometimes it lasts minutes others take hours to realize I’m tripping over my own toes
could pick out of A long strain of sentences you happened to precariously
eyebrow
A word

We walked on two opposite sides of the streets
He drug
A metal tire iron in his hand
We took turns staring at eachother
And exploring the textures of the other’s skin
Wrinkle mole ridden
Soft but sickly
“Thud”
I longed to the sidewalk underneath the metal

Shelby Freehling

[BFA] Sculpture with a Minor in Psychology and Sociology

Like a Wet Fish

“Like a Wet Fish,” is a physical body of work that explores the preservation, emotional attachment, and eventual deterioration of memories. Three eight foot tall and sixteen by sixteen inch wide rectangular structures are oriented vertically and placed in an outdoor setting allowing them to be altered by nature, or acted upon by spectators.  Each pillar is composed of a strong wooden frame embellished coarsely by broken chair legs, furniture, sticks, and firewood.

Roughly carved and quickly fading upon the chair legs, exists a series of phrases and poetry. These have been collected over the years and evaluate my own important memories and relationships within life. Throughout the process of making, certain words and sayings such as, “Like a Wet Fish,” are repeated, exploring my own inability to let go and deep desire to hold on to something that only exists within the past. The creation of the strong structures is an attempt to save and share the potent memories. In contrast, some words are scratched out or left unfinished altogether. These bits serve as an unwillingness to let certain memories continue to take up space or prominence within my psyche.

Ultimately, it is the odd assemblage of form and it’s towering height that demands the most attention. Though sturdy in structure, these pieces are placed outside in an attempt to emphasize the idea that eventually, they too will wither, like that of my own body. As time goes on both phrases and form become more and more obscure, until the memories altogether disappear.